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I went to church yesterday. 

For the first time in my life, I lowered my head and pray.

For the first time, I felt no one holding me back.

For the first time, I sang my heart out.

For the first time, I felt belong.

Prayed to dear Father to give me strength to face whatever ups and down that’s coming.

Prayed to dear Father to help me untie the loop twisted around my heart.

Prayed for my brother to come back home safely.

Prayed for my parents.

I simply, prayed.

Friendship is a rocky road to begin with but with a little effort & push from 2 people,
Viola, you just became friends! 

It takes months or even years to strengthen a certain friendship but just few second to break apart everything that you’ve built.  Quite a pity wouldn’t you think so? 

Honestly, I agree.  It’s a pity.  Ending a friendship like this, it hurts.  Perhaps for some, it’s tearing part of their life out.  For starters, you don’t, no wait, you can’t find someone as similar to them.  Everyone is different.  Haha, cliche as it may sound, the higher supreme created us all differently thus came along them.  You open up your gracious arms and let them in so freely without thinking of any consequences.  For that, I will say it’s a true friendship, a genuine friendship.  One that you know may be for the better or for the worst. 

I guess they just blended to our weakness & vice versa, same for you as well.  Which at the end of the day, you just seem to rely on them much more as the days goes by.  And without you realising, you just seem to depend on them way more than you usually do.  You clearly know that, it’s not right to be so dependant on them when you have been leaving independently for the major parts of your life.  I guess it being lonely for major parts of your life has caused you to be really dependent on your friend?  Have you thought about it? Perhaps you’ve been cling on to an illusion that you always assume it has been there.  Like I’ve said, it has been nothing but an illusion that I’ve been holding on for far too long.   Time to wake up to reality.

I hope I’ve made a right decision.  I may regret it in due time but who know perhaps it’s better off that way. 

Reality has never been pretty.  But everything will start to change. 

Yes, everything WILL change.


April 2010
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